Unexpected Convictions

Turns out I'm more vegan than I thought I was.

I've now been vegan for longer than I haven't been vegan. It's very much become a habit. And most of the time I just get on with it - I do most of my own cooking usually so I simply cook vegan. When I'm out, I hunt down the vegan option (and generally get completely bamboozled when there's more than one option available to me - the notable exception being when I'm at Dandelion and Burdock when the choices fill me with uncontainable joy and delight and I simply get really excitable). And when friends cook for me I'm always incredibly grateful for their thoughtfulness in coming up with something vegan.

Occasionally I have a fleeting craving for something I no longer eat - cakes often feature, occasionally a quiche or an omelette but said cravings rarely last very long. Recently my dedication to being vegan has been particularly challenged by a non-edible, namely the new NO HANDS Massage balm. Therapist friends and colleagues, even my clients (some of whom have bought some for their own home self-care regime), have been singing its praises as a Massage balm, a body lotion, a moisturiser...and yet I'm not using it because it contains a small amount of beeswax. "Is beeswax really so important?" I found a voice inside my head asking.

The jury was still out on the beeswax when I found myself wandering around Ludlow (a veritable foodie-ville in the midst of Herefordshire) and having a whinge at myself. "If I wasn't vegan, I could have that...and that...and that...why do I even bother being vegan anyway?"

It was the closest I'd got to throwing the towel in and just grabbing something (non-vegan) to munch on but there was still a hesitation. And it's timing was poetically brilliant.

Next stop after staying with my friends in Ludlow was a week WWOOFing with a family / community who are aiming to be as self-sufficient as possible. Part of their approach is to keep animals - for eggs, dairy and meat. Again - my timing was impeccable. I happened to be there the one week in the year when they were sending some of their sheep to the abbatoir. Good work, Tigger.

They were very accommodating of my veganism and very kindly limited my WWOOFing duties to non-animal related tasks. But living so "close" to the sounds and smells of farmed animals I found incredibly challenging. Even given the animals were being farmed in a "friendly" way and a very far cry from the intensive meat and dairy production which supplies the majority of meat sold in the UK. This was the first time since being vegan, and possibly even ever, that I'd spent such a length of time in that kind of situation and it really didn't suit me.

It's difficult to explain the whys and wherefores. Other than to say that deep in my guts, deep in my core I felt really uncomfortable. I don't read up on animal farming conditions or farm-to-plate cycles: it's not something I participate in and the times I have investigated it, I've been really upset by what I've found. So I get on with the alternative of not participating.

But one (admittedly anthropomorphising) aspect which was writ large during my stay was that of freedom. I'm incredibly lucky in the level of freedom I have (including living in circumstances that mean I can choose to be vegan) and know that having my freedom curtailed, in any of a multitude of ways, really crushes my soul. So the idea of holding dominion over animals, curtailing their freedom for our own ends really jars. Even bee-keeping includes that aspect (although less obviously than many other forms of animal farming) and so my conviction around beeswax has also been reinforced.

So, unexpectedly, I find myself realising that my veganism is a much deeper part of my convictions than I'd previously given it credit for. That's not to say there aren't issues with being vegan (food miles, Fairtrade, supply chain, packaging...) but for now this is where I stand.

Being vegan is important to me, but pro-actively "converting" the general populace is not really on my agenda. If asked, I'll gladly discuss my reasons for being vegan. But the idea of barging into people's lives to tell them what they should or shouldn't eat doesn't appeal. I see so many hang-ups around food - if someone is happy and healthy with getting on with how they are, I'm not interested in upsetting the applecart for the sake of it. I enjoy the conversations exploring different choices with people, but only when the time is right.

The place to start with change is with myself and I know my veganism has challenged stereotypes held by friends and family and encouraged a more open consideration of veganism, as well as some familiarity of the issues faced. But the reality I've discovered in the past few weeks is that it's my personal conviction that keeps me vegan. I hadn't expected that conviction to run so deep but the realisation that it does is certainly useful information as I consider other aspects of my life and new, diverse possibilities for the future.